Tag: emotions

How to Manage Your Anger

how-to-manage-your-anger-photo-sollers-unsplash

Photo by Sollers, Unsplash

Anger is a much-misunderstood emotion. While powerful and often intense, anger can also manifest itself in subtle ways. It can motivate you to act or compel you to take inappropriate action. It’s also somewhat unpredictable, in that you may not always know when you’ll get angry, not understanding the triggers. Pent-up anger can lead to physical complications such as cardiovascular disease. Learning how to manage your anger is important, especially if you’ve noticed you’re experiencing this emotion more frequently or intensely.

Slow down and listen.

Let’s say you find yourself in a discussion with a co-worker, family member or friend and it starts to get heated. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Instead of blurting out an angry retort, hit the pause button. Think of what you’re going to say before it comes out of your mouth. Slowing down will also help you figure out what’s behind the words — yours and the other person. If your partner feels like you’re not spending enough time with him or her, for example, you can adjust your behavior and your words to recognize this fact and do something about it.

Say hello to humor.

Laughter is a wonderful antidote to negativity and anger. It helps you put things into perspective and helps you not take yourself so seriously. When you feel like you are up to the brim with hostile thoughts and must stop yourself from saying or doing something out of anger, turn instead to lighter fare. Watch a comedy. Go to a website with humorous quotes or jokes. Be sure to avoid sarcastic humor, though, as that is counter-productive.

Put some relaxation into your life.

There’s a lot to be said for learning how to relax and how that helps you deal with anger in a much more proactive and constructive way. Whether you engage in deep breathing exercises, yoga, meditation or a walk outside in nature, putting relaxation techniques into your daily schedule will loosen you up and help soothe angry feelings.

Switch your routine or environment.

If bottleneck traffic gets you riled up, try driving alternate routes on your regular commute. If you can’t stand the mess the kids leave in the living room that greets you when you walk through the door, go in a side door. Or ask your partner or an older child to clear away the biggest piles so it isn’t so noticeable. Sometimes it’s also about changing the timing. For example, let’s say you and your spouse or partner always argue at night. This could be triggered by stress, because you’re exhausted, just looked at the mountain of bills, don’t feel well, or are anticipating an argument. Make an appointment to discuss pressing matters at a different time so that your evening can be more enjoyable and relaxing.

Change the way you think about things. Psychologists call this cognitive restructuring and it simply means reordering the way you think about things. You replace negative thoughts and words with those that are more reasonable. Instead of saying you failed and will never succeed, tell yourself that this was a disappointing result, makes you feel frustrated, but it’s not life-threatening. You will have other opportunities to succeed.

Here are some other tips:

  • Words to remove from your vocabulary (and thought processes) include “never” and “always.” These are ultimatums that back you into a corner. It’s better to give yourself some leeway.
  • Be conscious of goals. When you always have something to look forward to, it’s a little easier to look beyond an immediate emotion, such as anger. You can take the next step toward accomplishing your goals instead of stewing in anger.
  • Remind yourself to be logical. People aren’t generally out to get you and their words and actions aren’t normally vindictive. Things just happen sometimes. By reminding yourself that this is a temporary rough spot you’ll help to deflate angry feelings before they become unmanageable.

When to Worry

While you can learn how to manage anger, there are some warning signs that should be heeded. You may need help from a psychologist or other mental health professional if the following occurs:

  • Your relationships or work begin to suffer because of angry outbursts.
  • You’re afraid you might hurt others or yourself.
  • You feel like your anger is getting out of control.

 

This article was originally published on Psych Central.

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Related post:

8 Ways to Let Go of Anger

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5 Tips To Banish Loneliness

5-tips-to-banish-loneliness-photo-myles-tan-unsplash

Photo by Myles Tan/Unsplash

Loneliness is not a very accommodating or welcoming emotion. It is also not a given. Yet far too many of us experience this powerful and debilitating emotion from time to time. While most are able to get past it without too much trouble, there are times when loneliness seems to hang around and is difficult to overcome.

While there can be no substitute for professional counseling should feelings of helplessness, despair and hopelessness persist for more than a week or two, these tips should help give loneliness the heave-ho.

Find something to do

When you’re lonely, feeling like you’re enveloped in loneliness, you’re likely spending too much time thinking about your situation and not really doing anything. Those who obsess over being lonely are going to be convinced there’s nothing they can do about it. That’s a misconception that should be put to rest.

The first step is to identify something you can do today, and get busy doing it. What that is doesn’t matter much. Doing something, other than thinking, you gets you out of your present surroundings and mindset.

Go out in the garden and yank weeds. Sweep the garage. Wash the car. Spend some time talking with your neighbor. Call a friend and meet for coffee, lunch or a movie. Go for a walk. Any of these will provide a change of scenery and get you outside your dismal thoughts for a while. When you’re actively engaged in doing something, you’re not suffering from loneliness.

Be good to yourself

The tendency to beat up on yourself when you’re blue is not beneficial. Unfortunately, we all do this, even without meaning to. We stumbled and made a mistake at work that was costly, we got into an argument with a significant other or friend and now find ourselves not talking with each other, the bills pile up and we’re not sure how we’ll get out of this mess. Instead of talking about what’s bothering us, we bottle up our emotions. The result: We feel a tremendous sense of loneliness.

When we hurt, we need to take care of ourselves. This self-care likely took a back seat to other pressing problems. Sleep may have suffered, as well as diet, lack of exercise, pushing ourselves past our limits. It’s time to hit the reset button and do something that will help us regain our equilibrium, make us feel physically better (a long soak in the tub works for some), and quashes feelings of loneliness.

Be with others

Most people who say they’re lonely spend too much time alone. While you can experience loneliness in a crowd, most people find the interaction and distraction of others takes away the lonely feelings – at least temporarily.

The best antidote to being lonely is to get out and be in the company of others. Friends are an excellent go-to resource, but groups involved in a hobby, recreational activity, educational or leisure pursuit, skills building, community get-togethers and travel also work.

When you are with others, listen, smile, communicate in a reciprocal fashion and be in the present. Should thoughts of loneliness seek to intrude, remind yourself that you’re taking active measures to counter that negativity. Find someone to talk with and strike up a conversation. It’s hard to think about being lonely when you’re chatting about something you enjoy.

Go somewhere new

The discovery process is an almost guaranteed way to get past loneliness. When you activate your curiosity gene and pursue something that intrigues or interests you, the inevitable result is that you follow your enthusiasm as far as you can. There’s no room for feeling lonely when you’re eagerly going after that beckoning beacon.

Take a drive using a different route than you normally take. Or, chart a course for a day trip that allows you to check out a small town, state or national park, wildlife refuge, botanical garden, museum, a restaurant you’ve long wanted to try. While you’re on the road, anticipate learning something new, meeting people, making memories.

Not only will this help dispel any loneliness you may have felt before starting out, the good feelings will remain with you on your trip home.

Help someone

If you’re wrapped up in yourself, feeling sorry that you’re lonely and not able to get past it, another method to employ is to go out and help someone. This doesn’t mean that you walk the street looking for a person who’s down-and-out. There are other more effective ways of helping others that you can use.

Go through your closets and find usable clothing that you no longer wear and donate it. There are many charitable organizations in desperate need of clothing. The still-working small appliances, electronic devices, dishes, furniture items, linens, toys and other items also are much in demand for those less fortunate. When you donate, it’s good for the recipients and it’s good for you.

Perhaps you know of a neighbor who’s elderly, unable to get out, a widow or widower or single parent. Bring a food item, flowers, a board game or just call and ask to come by for a visit. If you experience loneliness, you can imagine how a shut-in must feel. Two people visiting have more of a chance of dispelling loneliness than either one sitting alone ever will.

Remember that you don’t have to suffer loneliness. But it is up to you to do something to get past it.

 

This article was originally published on Psych Central.

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Related Articles:

The Incredible Value of Dreams

How to Be Fair to Yourself

Self-Care: The Most Important Person to Take Care of Is You

Are You Lonely Tonight? How To Combat Loneliness

How To Be Flexible With Your Perceptions

How I Learned To Overcome Stress

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To automatically get my posts, sign up for my RSS feed.   

Want to get my free newsletter? Sign up here to receive uplifting messages and daily positive quotes in my Daily Thoughts. You’ll also get the top self-help articles and stories of the week from my daily blog and more.

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