Fear

7 Ways Fear Holds You Back

When was the last time you felt fear? Was it worry about getting sick when so many around you have fallen ill? Was it the agonizing fear that you were going to be fired, your loved one would leave, your finances would tank, your investments fail, that you’d be found incompetent or a failure? Everyone feels fear. Sometimes, though, fear is the last emotion you want to dwell on. Here are some of the ways fear holds you back, along with helpful tips on workable solutions.

1.    Fear Keeps You Stuck

No one likes feeling stuck. If you’re unable to motivate yourself to get going, could fear be the reason for your inaction? Are you afraid to succeed or afraid of failure? Is this a new fear or a recurring one? Have you ever been successful before in defeating this kind of fear?

The only way to become unstuck when fear holds you back is to act. There is a way out of this. The key is to figure out what works best to push past this fear and get moving again.

2.    Fear Makes You Reluctant to Pursue Your Goals

What happened to the list of things you wanted to accomplish in life? What about your short-term goals, those things you hoped to achieve in the next month, 6 months, or one year? Is fear the reason you’ve put those desired goals on the back burner? If so, you’re dealing yourself an unnecessary blow. Not only are you letting your goals slide, but you’re also giving yourself subtle reminders that you don’t deserve to succeed.

Nothing could be further from the truth. You deserve to enjoy success. By working hard and refusing to give up, you’ll push fear to the background and get back to working on what’s important.

3.    Fear is Counter-Productive

The irony is that fear itself never helps you get past the crippling emotion. Also, the more you give in to fear, the less effective or productive you are in most situations. How can you solve a problem or decide if all you’re thinking about is what can go wrong, how ill-prepared you are, or that others will think poorly of you if you fail? Beyond being counter-productive, though, fear is also self-perpetuating. The more you wallow in fear, the more fearful you become.

Recognize fear for what it is. In dangerous situations, it’s a survival instinct that you feel fear. This helps galvanize you to take action to protect yourself and others. Otherwise, fear should not be allowed to keep you from living your life.

4.    Fear Makes You More Likely to Repeat Mistakes

It’s okay to be afraid. But if you haven’t learned from the mistakes you’ve made, fear will take over and certainly propel you into repeating those mistakes. Beyond mere repetition, however, mistakes can be compounded by fear. Making one mistake after another can result in a downward spiral that leads to a complete lack of self-confidence and a serious erosion of emotional well-being.

Take stock of mistakes you’ve made. Write down the lessons you’ve learned from those mistakes. These show that you’re capable of making progress. It’s called life. Everyone makes mistakes. There’s no reason to allow fear to convince you that you’re inept or incapable. You’re not either of those. Believe in yourself and give fear the boot.

5.    Fear Makes you Doubt Your Instincts

After succumbing to fear, or finding yourself unable to think about anything else, you’re not in the best mental state to trust your instincts. Even though you’ve made good decisions in the past, you’re worried that your judgment is now clouded. Worse yet, you allow fear to hijack your determination to move forward. Rather than trust your gut, you endlessly review in your mind all the reasons your instincts are wrong.

Humans rely on their instincts for more than survival. It’s an inner sense of what to do in a situation that has served mankind well for millennia. You do have good instincts. Try listening to them instead of discounting them.

6.    Fear Makes You So Afraid of Failure, You Avoid Acting

Ever hear of being so paralyzed by fear that you can’t do anything? Some people who have a diagnosed mental health disorder, such as depression or anxiety, are so plagued by fears that they cannot leave the house. Instead of interacting with others and functioning normally in society, they hide away and shun friends, family, and doing things that bring them enjoyment. When fear paralyzes someone to the extent that they are petrified of failure, they’re more likely to do nothing than take any action.

Remember that inaction is dead-end. By not acting, this is a choice that has profound repercussions. It will not solve any problems and will only worsen existing ones.

7.    Fear, Left Unchecked, Leads to Runaway Emotions

While some fear is normal, allowing fear to run your life is not. When you can’t function in everyday situations because your fear stands in the way, your life is out of control. This isn’t sustainable, either in the short- or long term. For one thing, life is less enjoyable. For another, your emotions, sparked by fear, begin to run rampant. You see danger everywhere. You’re less trusting of others. You also don’t trust yourself to make good judgments.

What kind of way is this to live?

Workable Solutions to Overcome Paralyzing Fear

There are, however, effective things you can do to get past the fear that’s holding you back and resume living a joyful life. To be successful, you must dedicate yourself to making healthy choices and take the risk to make changes in your lifestyle, modifying or eliminating unhealthy behaviors, and recognizing that mistakes do not equal failure. Try these tips to overcome fear:

Employ the 24-Hour Rule

No matter what makes you afraid, one effective solution is to use the 24-hour rule. If you’re afraid of an upcoming surgery, for example, think about getting through the next 24 hours and look at your situation then. You’ll be past the surgical procedure and on your way to healing. You just need to think about that 24-hour mark. This technique works in almost any situation. Can’t wait to go on vacation but you’re afraid of the flight? By the end of the 24 hours, you’ll have completed your flight or been well on your way to your destination. No matter how fearful you are, your fears are blown out of proportion. It’s not as bad as you thought. You can make it through this. Countless people do it every day.

Talk it Over with Someone You Trust

Discussing what you’re afraid of is an excellent way to deflate fear and reduce its hold on you. Keep in mind that everyone experiences fear. We’re human and fear is a human emotion. Listening to how others got past their fears can inspire you to do the same. What worked for them in surmounting fear could work for you also. Be willing to give their tips a try. If nothing else, talking it over with someone you trust is a time-proven way to feel like you’re not alone. This helps boost your self-confidence and encourages you to face your fears head-on.

Start With a Small Act

The only way to overcome fear is to act. If the problem is complex or complicated, start with a small act. This will get you going. There’s nothing like momentum to keep you motivated. Making some progress, even small will help boost your self-confidence and encourage you to keep going.

Keep a List of What Works

Even if this is a new fear, there’s likely to be an example in the past of something similar. That’s why it’s often helpful to keep a list of what’s worked before. It may work again. This may require modification to fit the present situation, but you’re up for the challenge. Besides, succeeding in this instance means you’re adding to your reservoir of resiliency. No matter what the situation, when fear rears its ugly head and threatens to derail you, know that you have a stockpile of techniques to use that will get you past the fear.

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How To Stop Fear From Holding You Back During Troubling Times

Photo by Tobias Tullius on Unsplash

 

Living life in fear is no way to live, no matter what is going on in the world. Without a doubt, these are troubling times, filled with uncertainty, sadness, perhaps physical pain as well. Much of what has happened is out of anyone’s control. The new reality of social distancing, working from home, constant hand washing and finding innovative ways to stretch groceries, paper products and cleaning supplies is enough to produce anxiety in any sane individual. Yet, coming to grips with fear is essential. Instead of struggling with this powerful emotion and allowing it to grow, do something to stop it. Here’s how.

What Is Really Bothering You?

While this may be the last thing on a to-do list, it’s important to sit down and identify what is really bothering you now. Just answering “COVID-19” is too broad, yet putting this on paper is a good starting point.

Before diving in, however, make sure family or business duties or tasks are taken care of. They must take priority. Then, feel free to devote sufficient time to centering on what’s most fear-inducing.

It may help to do this exercise with eyes closed. Think about what went on today that may have produced fear. Did something someone said (in the home, on TV, during Internet browsing, reading the newspaper) allow that knot of fear to metastasize? Did it mean reticence about doing something or shying away from any personal contact (even at a distance)? Write down specifics, anything that comes to mind.

The list will vary from one person to the next, although there are some common threads people mention about what makes them afraid. These include:

  • I’m so fearful to be around other people, even with social distancing. What if I’m next to someone who’s got the coronavirus?
  • I’m afraid that I’ll never enjoy success again and, with so many millions of people sick and tens of thousands dying from this novel virus, I feel guilty even thinking of personal goal achievement.
  • Others probably think I’m a selfish person, so I’m reluctant to tell them what I’m thinking so they won’t judge me.
  • I’m afraid for our children. What kind of world will they live in? What happens if we get sick and can’t take care of them.
  • All I can feel is fear – about everything.

This May Seem Obvious, But When Did the Fear Begin?

To overcome fear, it’s important to pinpoint when it took over and began to handicap everyday living.

Some fears are universal, such as fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, fear about disease, dying and death. Indeed, some of what’s now identified as fear may trace back to a dysfunctional home, childhood trauma, economic disadvantage, school bullying, the presence of a physical or mental disability.

Recognize that uncovering when and where the fear started and then focusing on the fear itself is likely to be painful. Dwelling on fear is unpleasant at best, yet getting past fear requires going through this process.

Be Willing to Ask for Help

Identifying fear, when it began, and specifics about the fear will likely produce feelings of discomfort and frustration. That’s because there aren’t any solutions as to how to get past fear yet.

Outside help can prove beneficial here. Psychological counseling or therapy may be appropriate, or taking part in online discussion groups and self-help forums. Literature available online on the topic of overcoming fear is another good source for help.

Two other options for overcoming fear are meditation and prayer, both part of a spirituality practice.

Most people are reluctant to ask for help, yet resources are available and no one should feel any stigma about asking for assistance during these troubling times. Indeed, climbing out of the pit of fear may begin with taking these first steps toward a proactive solution.

What Are You Afraid Fear Will Prevent You From Doing?

When thinking about the future, assuming there will be restrictions on personal movement lifted, are you afraid to return to work? Does the idea of interacting with co-workers and supervisors create a rush of fear?

What if you’ve had the virus, or been in quarantine with family members who’ve had it, are you afraid you’ll get it again?

Are you afraid of ever getting physically close with another individual due to uncertainty over how long COVID-19 will be present, or if it will become seasonal and a pandemic that will recur?

The point about looking at what fear may prevent you from doing isn’t how daunting the list is. It is, however, instructive to see in black and white how self-limiting fear is to daily living. Everyone wants to get life back to normal, even if that normal looks quite different than what it once was. Fear, in this respect, can be a powerful motivator to unleash innovation, creativity, and finding new solutions to everyday problems and daily life.

Future Planning: Create Goals

This crisis will eventually subside and things will get back to some semblance of order. Heartening research from the University of Sydney found that if 80 percent of people practiced strong social distancing, COVID-19 could be curbed in 13 weeks. Be ready with goals to tackle once that happens. These may include personal goals that have taken a backseat to others, yet now they take on greater significance.

Whatever these goals may be, put them down on paper. This exercise provides ample material to work from in taking the next step to get past fear.

Construct Action Plans

Action plans are necessary to get moving on goals. Be sure to include a range of goals, some that are more quickly achievable, some that take a bit longer, and others that are long-term.

In the interim, prioritize self-care, since you’ll need to be healthy to resume normal living once the pandemic subsides. Even during self-distancing, it’s possible to ensure you’re taking good care of yourself, according to suggestions from Johns Hopkins mental health experts. The list includes exercise, which helps reduce stress, anxiety and depression while also benefitting physical health.

Each type requires its own set of action plans. Without a plan to follow, there’s no roadmap to pursue the goal. Another crucial part of action plans and goals is that they’ll likely need to undergo revision. Change is part of life, and goals deemed important now may be less of a priority going forward. Live life in the present, always doing your best while remaining true to yourself and your core beliefs.

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This article was originally published on Psych Central.

Are You Lonely Tonight? How to Combat Loneliness

5 Tips to Banish Loneliness

How to Help Your Child Banish Loneliness

My Best Ways to Deal with Frustration

How to Keep Frustration from Blocking Your Goals

How to Manage Your Anger

How to Start Making Plans When You’re Recovering From Depression

10 Health Benefits of Daily Exercise

10 Ways Nature Helps Your Well-Being

Self-Care: The Most Important Person to Take Care of Is You

To automatically get my posts, sign up for my RSS feed.   

Want to get my free newsletter? Sign up here to receive uplifting messages and daily positive quotes in my Daily Thoughts. You’ll also get the top self-help articles and stories of the week from my blog and more. I also invite you to like me on Facebook, follow me on LinkedIn,  Twitter,  Instagram, Tumblr, and Pinterest.

How to Keep Fear from Stealing Your Life

how-to-keep-fear-from-stealing-your-life-photo-aperture-vintage-unsplash.jpg

Photo: Aperture Vintage/Unsplash

“Fear is a sneaky thief, stealing away precious moments of your life.” – Elizabeth Lesser

 

Everyone has been afraid at some point. If we’re in touch with our inner selves, we know right away when that negative emotion starts clutching at our hearts. It’s a feeling of coldness, one that sneaks up and grabs hold.

You can try to shrug it off, but that’s not always easy, and it rarely works. You can tell yourself this too shall pass, yet not really believe it. The truth about fear, however, is that it can be overcome. Here are some ways to do just that.

Acknowledge that the emotion you feel is fear.

The first step to overcoming fear is to acknowledge the emotion you feel. You must be able to recognize fear for what it is so that it cannot claim power over you, shutting down your ability to live a normal, happy and productive life. Fear is different from sadness or anger or disappointment. Called the fight-or-flight response, fear prepares the body to cope with danger. Fear produces distinct physiological symptoms, including increased breathing, heart rate, muscle tension, sweating, dry mouth, trembling and shaking, and butterflies in the stomach, to name a few.

Keep a list of effective coping strategies handy.

To do something to combat fear, it’s helpful to have a list of strategies and techniques that have worked well for you in the past in overcoming this destructive emotion. The time to figure out what to do isn’t when you’re in the grip of fear. That’s when you’re least likely to think rationally and the decisions you make may not be the best. It’s also best to keep your coping strategies and techniques on a written list so that they’re always available.

Remember that fear only controls you if you allow it.

This might be tough to keep top-of-mind, but you are the one in control. You make the decisions. Decide now that fear has no place in your power structure. Only you have the power. It’s up to you to exercise it.

Constantly revise your list of goals.

When you have activities that you look forward to and have a plan how to get started, you’re much less likely to succumb to fear. It is, however, normal to be a little apprehensive when starting something new, and referring to your list of goals is a good way to reinforce your commitment to them. The goal list helps motivate you to overcome all hurdles you may encounter, including fear.

Seek support from your network.

You’re not the only person who’s ever experienced the kind of paralysis and indecision that fear can produce. Talk with those you know and trust in your network to see how they handle fear. Just having their support and encouragement can go a long way toward you being able to move past fear and keep it from stealing your life.

Acknowledge you’re not perfect.

Perfectionism can really get in the way of pursuing goals. When you feel like you’re falling short and don’t see how to make it perfect, this can prompt feelings of fear. By acknowledging that you’re not perfect you take the wind out of fear’s sails. This gives you the breathing room you need to continue, without letting fear control you or reduce your dreams and goals to dust.

Have faith to get through today.

Most of what causes fear doesn’t last indefinitely. Things generally look different 24 hours later. When you rely on your faith, believe in your ability to make it through today, you’re doing more than buying time. Your subconscious mind is working on ways to overcome the fear, find a solution or workaround, and reminding you that you have hidden strengths to draw on.

If the fear continues unabated, however, it might be time to seek professional help from a psychiatrist or psychologist, a social worker or other mental health professional. There is no reason for you to go on suffering the negative and life-stealing effects of fear or anxiety when psychotherapy can help you overcome this profoundly debilitating emotion.

 

This article was originally published on PsychCentral.com http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/07/how-to-keep-fear-from-stealing-your-life/

 

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